You Have to Break Yourself to Earn Praise.Love as Terror. Part 2

My chronically dissatisfied inner critic has honestly worn me out. It never lets me relax or simply enjoy life.

I can only guess where this terrorist came from.

In school, I wouldn’t get an A in algebra if I just completed all the required tasks—I had to solve an extra problem from Skannavi to earn it.Teachers constantly told me I wasn’t dedicating enough time to studying. I couldn’t understand what more they wanted—wasn’t straight A’s enough?

Basically, to be acknowledged for what I do, I had to do more. Achieve more. Be better, stronger, smarter, thinner than I was at that moment.

In other words, life wasn’t meant to be enjoyed—it had to be endured. You have to break yourself just to deserve praise. Love as terror.

But honestly, it doesn’t really matter where these inner terrorists come from. What matters is learning to tame them.

Getting rid of my Phunta completely probably isn’t an option—she’s a core part of me, and removing her might cause the whole structure to collapse.

But I do believe the operation to neutralize my inner terrorist has already begun. The realization that this is not my true inner voice, and definitely not some divine command within me, changes everything.

This is just an inner critic—one I once gave too much power.

And if I gave it power, I can take it back.

As I always say: I am the author of my own life.

Wishing you awareness and love—without the terror.