Ditch the Inner Hater: How to Stop Hurting Yourself

Never listen to people judging you. Because even if you could walk on water, someone would still say, “Look at her—she can’t even swim.”— Margaret Thatcher

But what about the inner critic?

Once, back in high school, a girl from a different class came up to me, pointed at my nude-colored tights, and said, “Um, no one wears those anymore. Fishnets are in now.”It made me feel awful, but I didn’t engage—she wasn’t exactly known for her intelligence or, as it turned out, her tact.

I didn’t throw the tights away, but every time I put them on, I heard her annoying, squeaky voice in my head.That’s how the inner critic moves in—it’s a collection of all the voices that criticized us growing up:“You’re fat.” “Your nose looks like a potato.” “You’re sloppy.” “You’ll never make it.” “You’ll never be like that perfect girl in lace tights.”

They stay with you because you listen. You let them speak. You trust them—without ever questioning whether the people who criticized you were even worth listening to.

So now, the big question: What do you do about it?You can’t delete those voices, but you can learn how to deal with them—and with your inner critic.

First, realize: that’s not your real inner voice.In fact, your true voice—your heart and intuition—goes silent when the critic speaks, and you give the critic all the power.So get to know it. Give it a name.I named mine after the “lace-tights girl.”So now, whenever I hear that nagging voice in my head, I say:“Tanya, no one asked you. Hush. I look great.”You might say it differently, but the idea is the same—cut off that dialogue before it gains momentum. Over time, it’ll get quieter… and maybe, it’ll disappear.

And in its place, your real inner voice will grow louder—encouraging, kind, and believing in you.